Chapter 3 — In Search of a Cardiologist

I’m not sure how many hours I slept last night, but I was eager to get up and get started in finding a cardiologist. Jenny and I both made calls to Emory Clinic doctors. I called Dr. Donald Davis, my internist and primary care physician, to let him know about my surprise heart attack and to ask him for a recommendation to a cardiologist. His nurse responded with a “glad you’re okay” and no particular recommendation, but a blanket recommendation of any of the Emory cardiologists.

Jenny talked to her cardiologist who said that he could see me next week. I held out for someone to see me this week. So, we contacted the general cardiology department at Emory and were offered an appointment for Friday with Dr. Wissam Jaber at Emory Midtown which used to be Crawford Long Hospital. We took it and continued doing research. My friend Joe Hope had touched base with me and had said that his neighbor was a cardiologist at another hospital and he could ask him for a favor if I wanted. Ultimately, I declined in favor of staying in the Emory system for this initial visit and then we’d decide about ongoing care.

That would turn out to be the right decision for a surprising number of reasons. Dr. Jaber went to med school at American University in Beirut, Lebanon and then had residency at Duke University Medical Center and The Mayo Clinic. He was fairly new to Emory Healthcare and I would come to know – fluent in French. So, at our first appointment on Friday he could read that summary notes that my Dr. Guy Lalonde, my Montreal cardiologist, had written in English as well as all of the notes and write ups from other members of the medical team that were written in French. This was truly evidence of God’s sovereignty in our daily lives and a significant encouragement to me in my desire to begin understanding the sacredness of my journey toward rehab and improvement.

In the midst of a growing realization that “yes” in the largest sense I was “OK”, but that I was forever changed and my body could fail me, the signs of God’s love and care were often like flashing lights on a roadside barricade reminding me that he was still aware of my journey. This was comforting to know as my cough and sleeplessness would persist.

Sacred Journey: Heart and Soul Rehabilitation. Chapter 1 – January 15, 2013

While Jenny drove Jameson back to the airport, I started thinking about being home and the profound gratitude I felt for God, Jenny and Jameson. I was particularly thankful that nothing crazy happened in our return flight from Montreal.

This was the morning of January 15, 2013 as I sat in a wheelchair at Montréal–Pierre Elliott Trudeau International Airport waiting for our flight to Atlanta.

So, I could report to Dr. Guy Lalonde – the cardiologist who oversaw my care at Sacred Heart Hospital of Montreal after my heart attack on January 9, 2013 – that we had a smooth experience returning to Atlanta and my house and bed. And by bed I meant one of our beds, chairs or couches.

You see, I had two anxieties staring me in the face: 1) Would I be able to sleep and rest? 2) How soon could I get in to see a cardiologist to change my blood pressure medicine that contained benazepril that was causing me to cough? You see, while in the hospital in Montreal I had forgotten that I was allergic to benazepril. I had discovered this a couple of years ago when my internist at the Emory Clinic had prescribed some blood pressure medicine for me and I developed a cough. This was in my file at Emory Healthcare, but not in my brain’s memory file when I was asked “Are you allergic to anything?” by the Sacred Heart nurses and doctors.

It had been several years since I had been examined by a cardiologist, so, one of the first orders of business would be to let my primary care physician, Dr. Donald Davis, know what had happened. I would ask him for a referral to an Emory cardiologist who could see me as soon as possible.

Of course, there was also the lingering Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) symptoms that tended to add a layer of urgency to everything I thought or felt.

As I pondered what the rest of the week might look like, I began to realize that I was tired and sleep deprived.

I got up from the dining room table and slowly walked upstairs to our son Justin’s room where I’d likely sleep tonight. Justin lives in Dallas, so his room was available. I pulled the bedspread and sheet back and then went to gather some pillow options for putting together something to simulate a hospital bed, albeit much softer and more comfortable.

I walked back downstairs and took the three pills that were part of my daily regime. At the same time, I was pretty sure that one of these pills was propagating my persistent cough. The dry cough would become a governor to my conversations over the next few weeks and it could’ve been avoided had my memory been sharper a few days earlier. These kinds of “if only” questions can paralyze us if we let them. I’m not above feeling some regret about past mistakes or poor choices, but it would become clear that timing was critical in my cardiologist choice and I may not have reached out for help with such a sense of urgency had I not had this allergic reaction to the benazepril. So, perhaps we will see if my memory lapse doesn’t have a positive result in the days ahead.

Q. & A. with Heart Attack Survivor & Author – October 24th!

Q. & A. with Heart Attack Survivor, Author of

Sacred Heart Attack and Intown Community Church Elder – Jimmy Locklear

Book signing and short workshop on the value of writing your story for healing and wholeness. And what’s the value of journaling? Also, an introduction to Jimmy’s latest book Heart Journey: Following Jesus to the Heart of God, including 30 studies in the Gospel of St. Matthew. An intro journal will be given to everyone who purchases a book. $1 for each book purchased that night donated to Intown’s Deacon Fund. (Price of books $11.95 each) Event: Thursday Oct. 24 7:00–8:30 PM

Intown Community Church • 2059 Lavista Road • Atlanta, GA 30329 [Room 302/304]

Kickstarter Backers Helped Publish “Sacred Heart Attack”

When my new book Sacred Heart Attack | Sacrée Crise Cardiaque rolled off the presses last month much of the cost was underwritten by 47 friends and family who backed the project via Kickstarter. The use of “crowdfunding” has become an important slice of the financing pie to launch all kinds of creative and innovative projects from books to fashion lines to recycling initiatives. And I decided to use Kickstarter.com has an objective third-party to facilitate the helping hand that several friends had wanted to offer. It worked out great! Currently, 42% of Kickstarter projects are successfully 100% funded. If a project doesn’t meet its goal then pledges are cancelled. Our project received 107% funding.

Most backers received a “reward” for their support and that was usually a signed copy or two of the finished book. Some received ebooks and others only wanted to make a donation.

It was a great experience for me to learn about running a campaign and being consistent in a 30-day effort. So, it was a win-win!

I’d also like to thank all of my backers by listing their names here:

Jenny Locklear

Jameson & Bethany Locklear

Craig Perry

Danielle Georgiou & Justin Locklear

Joe & Kristine Hope

David & Mary Harris

Howard Huddleston

Collin Setterberg

William T. Locklear

Frank Gross

Jim Skesavage

Clell Deaver

Bill & Bernie Locklear

Jody Locklear

Bobby Gross

Teresa Ariail Willis

Michael Lee

Debbie & Ben Buchanan

Tom & Gail Buchanan

Patrick Freeman

Lance Lipman

Carolyn Hansen

Jennifer & Ryan Haeseler

Bill & Terri Reid

Gwen JeSchonek

Diane Hunter

Carol Shunnarah

John Arnold

Chuck Vogt

Jeanie Arnold

Tamara McElhannon

Rebecca McKnight

Michael Roche

Judy Miller

Laura Wells

Bill Christian

Elaine Hansen

Alice Scott

Lou Locklear

Jed Locklear

Josh Jackson

Dennis Cox

Courtney Micksch

Joe Kirk

Paulo Barrera

Samantha Rodriquez

Jae Robbins

Derek Owens

You will forever be in my heart.

Sacred Heart Attack available through online booksellers

On July 25th, I received the first soft cover copy of Sacred Heart Attack! This is the printer’s proof to make sure that all the pages are straight and the colors are correct. And it looked and felt great! I let the printer know on Friday that it had my approval and requested additional copies. The hard cover version takes a few more days to set up, print and bind and I’m still waiting for the first copy. I expect it by the end of the week.

http://bookstore.westbowpress.com/Products/SKU-000658083/sacred-heart-attack–sacre-crise-cardiaque.aspx

You may have seen our book on the Amazon, WestBow or Barnes & Noble websites for a couple of weeks. Apparently this is commonplace to post the book before actual copies are available. And today, I noticed that Amazon had added the Kindle version is available. I quickly downloaded it to see how it looked. Awesome! Those of you who requested the ebook premium for your pledge of support, I hope to be able to send you the info on your free download shortly, too.

So, we’re just waiting for delivering of everything and then I’ll be signing and delivering to you in person or via mail ASAP.

As I’ve mentioned before, one of my hopes is that my story will inspire others to share their stories and experience freedom, healing, creative empowerment or some other food for their souls. I’m hoping to take this idea a step further and use some other resources like Dan Allender’s “To Be Told” in a workshop, seminar and small group setting to encourage a process of writing your story so that you can be guided by it in the future.

Just wanted to let you know how the publishing process was progressing. It’s moved a bit faster than I had expected, so, we should have books to you by the end of August. Which is earlier than my promised September timeframe.

I’ll leave you with a couple of lines from Chapter 4 to show how sharing our stories can bring healing: “I suppose it was no surprise that everyone was shocked by the news. Since I was hundreds of miles away, we (Jenny and I) had made the decision to temporarily underplay the severity of the heart attack by not going into a lot of detail. And since I was sounding pretty good on the phone—I guess I still had some adrenaline in my system—it was easy to pull off. But from time to time, the medical staff and Curt would remind me of the reality and gravity of my situation to keep my feet on the ground.”

Talk to you soon,

Jimmy

Living our Christianity in our own heads

I recently mentioned in a focus group at my church that too often we live our faith within our own heads. Being a church where doctrinal beliefs are one of our key differentiators probably leads us down this path. And, I’m sure there are a host of other reasons. The problem is that good ideas don’t get implemented and people with quiet needs don’t get served.

Enlivening our imaginations should be the result of hearing and experiencing Jesus and biblical truth. When we hear how Jesus listened to cries for help, we should ask ourselves to do the same. It’s right to think about how I can listen like Jesus. Asking any number of questions about how my life can reflect the doctrines or beliefs that are taught in the Bible is a great exercise. The problem comes when those great ideas stay there!

Living and implementing my faith is critical to increasing the Kingdom of God, growing in maturity myself and seeing community flourish. How do we do that?

1) Recognize we are on a common journey and ask for others to help us. Being in a fellowship or small group where there is “heart level” sharing and no fear of being embarrassed by sharing a weakness or struggle is necessary for growth and maturity.

2) Find some time for solitude to share with God your desire to change and live more like Jesus in all of your relationships. There simply is no substitute for time alone with our Maker and Sustainer. If we want to live a Jesus-actualized life, then we don’t have to look very far at his pattern of activity to see that times of solitude were foundational for every day of Jesus’ journey.

3) Surprise one of your friends, neighbors or relatives and share something you’ve been thinking about. It is critical to begin releasing the imaginations of your heart and mind so that they don’t stay in your head. If you have been thinking about reaching out to one of your neighbors or co-workers, next time you see them start a conversation with them. Find out what’s going on in their world and try to shake their hand, give them a hug or pat them on the shoulder. That’s what Jesus would do.

I’ve recently reflected on Isaiah’s vision for how God desires for us to live. This is from Isaiah 58:

6 Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of injustice, to undo the thongs of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke?

7 Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover them, and not to hide yourself from your own kin? 8 Then your light shall break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up quickly; your vindicator shall go before you, the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. 9 Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry for help, and he will say, “Here I am.” If you remove the yoke from among you, the pointing of the finger, the speaking of evil,

10 if you offer your food to the hungry  and satisfy the needs of the afflicted, then your light shall rise in the darkness and your gloom be like the noonday. 11 The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your needs in parched places, and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water,  whose waters never fail.

There are some amazing realities that Isaiah paints for us in this picture of shalom. We will be given light, access to God’s heart – “Here I am,” strength for our bones and water for the gardens of our lives. And it seems to all get rolling as we release our minds from the thoughts and fears that bind up our lives and act. Realizing that God prefers a “fast” that serves others and doesn’t focus on my sacrifice should also be a clue for us.

Chapter 13: To Discharge or Not to Discharge?

The discharge instructions and discussions were pretty straightforward. A pharmacist from the hospital and a student pharmacist who had been part of the resident doctors group that had followed my case came by to give me a prescription list. Included on the list were the medicines I had taken while in the hospital and which ones I would now be continuing or ceasing to take after my release.

At some point, a nurse stopped in and removed all the remaining I-V cannulas from my arms and hands; and the heart monitoring contacts or leads from my stomach, chest and shoulders. That felt good.

Dr. Lalonde came by to see how I had done over the weekend. He listened to my heart and lungs and they sounded good. Although my “numbers” looked good, he was concerned that I didn’t seem to be feeling well. First, I thought, “Wow, this guy is pretty perceptive and a damn good doctor.” Next I started worrying that he wasn’t going to let me go home tomorrow.

As we talked, I agreed that I wasn’t feeling as good as I had been on Friday and Saturday, but it was primarily due to my not having a good night’s sleep since leaving my CCU bed late Saturday evening. I told him I was feeling a bit tired and anxious, but that I expected to get a good night’s sleep tonight at the hotel and be ready to fly home the next day. Dr. Lalonde agreed that the hospital is not the best place to convalesce.

So, somewhat reluctantly, Lalonde wrote the letter giving me permission to fly to Atlanta on Tuesday. Jenny and I assured him that we would not do something carelessly and we would change our plans if I didn’t feel well. Little did I know that those promises would be called into question several times during the next 16 hours.

The hospital provided quite a cache of records and documents. So, after gathering up the official envelopes, DVDs, and permission letter, we pretty unceremoniously packed up and walked out. We said good-bye and thank you to anyone who made eye contact. There was no wheelchair and no escort!

So, here was Jenny, Jameson, Gus and I, and our first task was making the long walk to the entrance/exit of the hospital. Even though folks had told me, I had no idea what a huge operation this hospital was. There were steady streams of people entering and exiting the facility.

Why I write: An Unexpected Story

There are lots of reasons that I write. One of the foundational reasons is that it seems to be what allows me to share my heart with God. Often, the words flow from my heart to my hand to the heart of God. I feel a closeness to my Creator when I am expressing my thoughts and feelings through written or typed phrases and sentences. I’ve recently written an article for the L’Arche Atlanta Spring Newsletter that shows the importance of sharing our stories with others. Here’s the story I shared:

Rimas, Jimmy, Martynas, Jed & Jenny

An Unexpected Story

We were only together for three days, but we shared many profound moments. And it is a stretch to share such deep heart connections that our family made with Rimas and Martynas during the home visit weekend prior to the L’Arche International Assembly held in Atlanta in June of 2012. But, I’ll give it a try.

Rimas is the community director for L’Arche in Vilnius, Lithuania that is called Betzatos Bendruomene which means Bethesda Community commemorating the healing that Jesus did in the pool called Bethesda in Jerusalem. Martynas was the founding core member of the community and is an accomplished artist. Rimas was a Franciscan Brother for five years before God called him into business and he is now married with three children. We made our initial introductions via Skype a few days before their arrival in Atlanta.

We had a wonderful time from the start, enjoying cooking out, sharing experiences and stories of how we became involved with L’Arche. Martynas had a short list of sites he wanted to see and things he wanted to do, so, Saturday was a long and full day. After a hearty breakfast of waffles, bacon, and fruit, we were off to explore downtown Atlanta. Martynas wanted to buy a Coca-Cola from the World of Coke and we stopped off at Centennial Olympic Park and I explained the various neighborhoods, businesses and sports venues along the way.

We swung back by our home in the Oak Grove neighborhood and ate some lunch. I had bought a loaf of black rye bread which is a Lithuanian staple and we ate it at every meal. Then, my 22-year-old son Jed, Martynas, Rimas and I were off to Stone Mtn. to go hiking. Since it wasn’t too hot, we decided to hike up the mountain. Everyone survived and enjoyed the perspective from the top of the largest granite outcropping in the world.

Back at our house, we enjoyed cooking and eating outside and talking about our day. All along the way, we talked about life in our respective countries. Rimas spoke good conversational English, and although Martynas was fairly limited, he did not hesitate to ask Rimas to translate his questions for us. Shortly after dinner, Martynas, who requires a bit more sleep than we did, was off to bed. Our son Jed retired around 10:00 PM. So, it was my wife Jenny, Rimas and I who were talking at our dining room table. Jenny was enjoying a glass of wine, Rimas was sampling some of our fine local craft beer and I was drinking Lithuania’s oldest and noblest drink – mead – that Rimas had brought as a gift for us.

I was asking Rimas about his parents and his home life growing up. I had no idea of the power of the story he was about to tell. Rimas said that when his mother was five years old she and her twin sister were shipped to Siberia. Over one million Lithuanians (one-third of it’s 1940 population) were lost during World War II during Nazi and Soviet occupations through deportations, executions, incarceration and forced emigration. Over 150,000 were taken from their homeland and forced to go to Siberia, the Arctic Circle or central Asia by the communist government of Josef Stalin. Separated from her parents, after a four-week trip in a boxcar built for animals the five-year-old girl was forced off the train in Siberia and told to fend for herself. I was shocked as my friend shared such a painful story. I tried to imagine how a five-year-old would feel. He went on to say that after five years of that Siberian exile, she was able to escape and sneak on to a passenger train and spend two-weeks traveling the 4,500 kilometers back to her country. She made contact with an uncle and eventually made it to her uncle’s home where she was raised. Her twin sister stayed for a few years more in Siberia before being able to return to Lithuania. Approximately 30,000 died in Siberia due to starvation and slave work and another 50,000 were never able to return to Lithuania.

Rimas said that his father also had a similar experience and his parents met after they had returned to Lithuania. One of the challenges in 21^st Century Lithuania is teaching the next generation about the pain and suffering of the past. Because life is so good now, there is a tendency to forget the past or not be aware of the price paid by previous generations. He said that he has told these stories to his own children and that there is a movement in Lithuania to share stories from 75 years ago.

As we talked, I was reminded that there is a story in each of us. And that it is in the sharing of our stories that we are changed and made more whole. The visit of Rimas and Martynas has now become a part of my family’s story. What’s your story? Won’t you share it with us!

Afterword:

Making Our Lives Available to Others

One of the arguments we often use for not writing is this: “I have nothing original to say. Whatever I might say, someone else has already said it, and better than I will ever be able to.” This, however, is not a good argument for not writing. Each human person is unique and original, and nobody has lived what we have lived. Furthermore, what we have lived, we have lived not just for ourselves but for others as well. Writing can be a very creative and invigorating way to make our lives available to ourselves and to others.

We have to trust that our stories deserve to be told. We may discover that the better we tell our stories the better we will want to live them. ~ Henri Nouwen, Bread for the Journey.

Chapter 11: Cardiac Choices & Perspectives

In my new room, there was a Greek-born gentleman who had lived most of his life in North Montreal. He speaks three languages and was very helpful and friendly to me. He was in the hospital to get a new defibrillator put into his chest. He had suffered a heart attack about eight years ago. He said that it was a Friday evening and he wasn’t feeling well, so, he told the staff at one of the restaurants that he owned that he was going home early. He drove himself home took a shower, which he said “you’re not suppose to do,” and told his wife he thought he might be having a heart attack. She drove him to Sacred Heart Hospital and shortly he had open-heart surgery. He and his wife raved about this hospital and the great medical staff here. And they were generous in offering to help me in any way.

A pragmatic man, my new friend said that he had been offered an opportunity to be put on the list for a transplant, but he turned it down. To him, it seemed too risky and painful a process to go through. He said that heart-transplant patients are miserable for a year with lots of pain and discomfort just to add a couple of years to your life. He wasn’t interested. Now, he was quick to add that his wife and daughter had shared a different perspective, but so far he had won the argument. He is 68 and a successful restaurateur. He said that his family would be fine.

As you might imagine, his perspective raised some questions in my mind. I could see where he was coming from. On more than one occasion, I had been critical of terminally ill patients who had spend more money than their families would ever have to extend life for a short amount of time. It seemed to me to be a selfish attitude on the patient’s part or a fear-based or guilt-based posture for the family to take.

On Monday morning, he and I were talking and I asked him if he believed in heaven. With no hesitation he said, “No.” He thought that once you died that was it. There was a big nothing at that point. He was content that he had lived a full, good life and taken care of his children and grandchildren.

He subsequently “went off” for some time on the political nature of the Pope and the Apostle Paul. He said that Paul was a big time opportunist who saw an opening for political gain and went for it. The fact that much of the New Testament was written by a guy who was late to the party seemed very suspicious to him.

Our own intelligence, reasoning and beliefs about what God should be like often form a barrier to true faith. We are often looking at ways to prove ourselves smarter than God.

I hadn’t slept well the night before or the night before that. In fact, I was beginning to be anxious about leaving the hospital for my recuperation period. Along with the discomfort of changing beds and rooms and the increased noise of not being in a private CCU room, my slower breathing and heart rate created some anxiety and I felt like I was going to stop breathing if I went to sleep. That’ll definitely keep you awake! It would later become apparent that I still had some fluid in my lungs that was hindering my breathing.

June 18-19, 2012 24-hour Silent Retreat

I don’t know if you have ever taken a private silent retreat for a day or a week or so, but I have done it from time to time. While our hearts long to slow down, rest and reflect, we rarely feel we can afford to do nothing for several hours or a whole day. The last time I took the time was about nine months ago. I was distraught and tired and stressed. So, I shared with my wife that I needed to take a 24-hour retreat. She supported the idea and knew that I was feeling overwhelmed. So, here are my notes. Perhaps it will fuel your decision to spend some time in solitude.

Monday afternoon 5:25 PM – Reading Nehemiah 1:1-2:10

Hears the news of Jerusalem
Weeps, mourns the loss
Prays – confesses sin, reminded God of his promises, asks for favor with king
Goes about his work…
Four months later the king notices Nehemiah being sad and asks him what’s wrong.
Nehemiah tells his story and asks for help
King and queen confer and say sure, they’ll be glad to help
Nehemiah takes the letters of support the king & queen give him and the army the king provided and went toward Jerusalem
Arrives in Jerusalem; it’s January.
After being in town for three days he goes to inspect the walls
Opposition to him begins immediately from foreigners and outsiders

I’m immediately struck that the Lord called a eunuch, a man who worked for the king/government to restore the holy and symbolic city of Judah. Not a warrior, not a priest, but a man of compassion and planning. Could it be that the Lord would want to re-build Intown?

6:00 PM – Listening to Henri Nouwen’s book: The Way of the Heart (it’s only about 2 hours long available on Audible.com)

4^th and 5^th Century in Egyptian desert – the Sayings of the Desert Fathers provide a consistent theme with today and how our hearts have not changed. They dealt with the same challenges and temptations that we deal with today.

We are busy people, we go through our days doing the “should” and “oughts” as if they were the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ.

The compulsive minister – our society is ship wrecked and we should be running for our lives.

Have been so seduced by the powers of our dark world that we have become blind to our fatal state?

Meetings to attend, visits to make and many services to lead. We are motivated to come to church, give money, be happy and be rewarded by rewards that are rewarded to busy people. Why is this so?

What is my identity?

There is anger below the surface.

Solitude is the furnace of transformation… the place of conversion. The old self dies and the new self emerges in solitude.

Transforming solitude.

get rid of scaffolding
it is a concrete place
We have to die to our neighbors – to stop judging them, to stop measuring our success in comparison to them.
Thus, to become free to become compassionate
Compassion and judgement cannot co-exist

Three things are concerning me:

My church
Friend 1
Friend 2

Silence – Psalm 39:1 – St. Benidict

I said, “I will watch my ways
and keep my tongue from sin;
I will put a muzzle on my mouth
while in the presence of the wicked.”

Words can get in the way.

Silence guards the inner life with God.

Preaching: read the words of Scripture repeatedly and allow for silence with a few comments.

Holy Spirit is the divine counselour.

Solitude and silence can never be separated from the call to unceasing prayer.

As soon as you decide that you are going to live in peace, evil comes to attack you with boredom, distraction, evil thoughts, sickness, weakness, etc.

Prayer of the mind –

Most ministers pray very little or not at all
One of the attacks of evil is making us think that prayer is primarily of the mind – “speaking with God” or thinking about God, talking to God.
Thinking about God is not a spontaneous event while thinking about the pressing matters of life comes quite naturally – ain’t that a bitch?
This intellectual idea of prayer has evolved through a view of the world as being mastered through the intellect
Real prayer comes from the heart

Nouwen said, “To pray is to descend with the mind into the heart and there to stand in the face of the Lord ever present, all seeing within you.”

Prayer is standing in the presence of God with the mind in the heart. Totally one. Heart speaks to heart.

Stretch out your hand, “Lord as you will and as you know, have mercy. Lord, help.”

If we train our hearts to a point of praying, we will pray more.

“Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.”

As my prayer passes from my lips to my heart, the heart continues to pray in me.

Solitude, Silence & Prayer.

8:50 PM

Reflections:

Don’t judge others
Have compassion
Be silent more
Pray unceasingly

Church – stay?

Friend 1 in relational challenge – love and listen

Friend 2 with ministry challenge – support – how?

6/19/2012 – 9:15 AM

Read a blog by John Eldredge on Practicing the Presence of Jesus through worship, personal worship. Good stuff!

Remembering Jed’s birth brings me to tears. He’s 22 today and what a kid!

(Song lyrics) “If I give it all to you, will you take it all?”

When I was a very young follower of Jesus, I would sit on the wooden floor in the bedroom I shared with two brothers. I would station myself at the end of the dresser near our closet and read the Bible and pray. Some 45+ years later God is still present as I follow the pattern of reading, praying and listening. Several years ago I asked the Lord to take me back or to restore that sense of His presence and He’s done that through years of pruning by his hand of love.

Thank you, Lord.

Shane Claiborne – The Irresistible Revolution

Bob Sorge – Unrelenting Prayer

Toward a Vision of the Local Church (book I should write)

Friendship and community.

June 2006, American Sociological Review, Duke University and University of Arizona study: 1 in 4 Americans have no one to confide in.

The new social detachment appears to have come as a result of our hardwired American pursuit of what we want.

Where the church holds the trump card is in human contact.

House churches – would this be a place for us, Lord?

Intown: Praying for a leader to emerge to re-build my church. Like Nehemiah. A Team Effort.

Personal messages to me: this is a time of pruning and receiving.

Selah.