March 9, 2024 – A Heisman Moment of Faith

Ever since I had a massive heart attack on January 9, 2013, while attending a professional development conference in Montreal, God has used health challenges to bring me into sacred moments with Him.

Similar to having a last-minute score to win a game that turns into a Heisman moment for a college football player, there are sometimes moments in our lives that define a season or bring out the true character of a person. As far as our relationship with God, there are sacred moments that attest to the constant power and presence of God’s Spirit to show us that we are loved no matter how dire our situation may seem.

These near-death experiences have been neither joyful nor pleasant, yet they have provided experiences of profound awareness of God’s nearness and accessibility. No matter how scary our situation, we have access to God because of the presence of the Holy Spirit of God who resides in the heart of those who trust him with their lives.

So, on Saturday afternoon on March 9th, Jenny and I were watching a British crime investigation series in our family room. I had been sick on and off for a couple of weeks with a cold and a sinus infection. Antibiotics had alleviated the sinus pain, but I was still a little congested. I had done a home Covid test a couple of days before that was negative.

I started feeling warm and changed from a long sleeve shirt to a short sleeve. I continued to feel warm and said to Jenny that I thought I needed to go to the hospital and get checked out. Within a matter of minutes, I began to feel worse and started to have some difficulty breathing. Jenny asked if I wanted her to call 9-1-1 or drive me to the Emory ER. I asked her to call 9-1-1. I tried to check my blood pressure but kept getting an error message. I put a fingertip pulse oximeter on my finger and the reading was in the 80s and dropping.

I was gasping for breath as Jenny was on the phone with the emergency operator. As happens with respiratory failure, I was trying to cough up anything while gasping for breath. Once the EMS and Dekalb Fire and Rescue were on their way, I was gasping for another breath. Jenny had her arms around me asking God to help me breathe. On three different occasions, I felt the life going out of my legs and arms. Should I pass out and succumb? As Jenny was praying, the chaos inside me was like radio static. Then, there was a second of silence as the Holy Spirit was listening to her prayer. Again, I felt my life slipping away, then, a pause and there was silence. The chaos paused. The Spirit of love was stopping the life from flowing out and was keeping me awake. She continued to pray. Our son Jed had run across the street to our neighbor who is an interventional cardiologist to see if he could help. He was not home. I was sitting on the floor in the family room pounding on the floor and the couch in frustration of not being able to breathe. I was holding on by Jenny’s prayers and similar to focusing on taking one more step while running a race, I kept taking one more gasp of air to keep from passing out. I kept just taking one more breath. Feeling Jenny’s love and feeling that God was near kept me going.

In the distance, we heard the sirens. Jenny said that the EMT’s were about to arrive. She went and opened the door to our family room and returned to hold me. Shortly, there were two firemen and two EMTs coming to my aid. Initially, they hooked up a small duo canula, but SP02 was still in 50s. Switched to a larger CPAP mask and breathing continued with crackles but was stable enough to transport. EMS took me to the emergency department at Emory Hospital Decatur. One of the firemen circled back to our house to tell Jenny where they were taking me. Even with the oxygen support, I was gasping for every breath. How had this happened so quickly? Upon arrival, the medical team switched my oxygen support to a bi-pap machine, injected Lasix via I-V and monitored my breathing. For the next hour, the discussion was around whether I could continue to process my own breathing or if I needed intubation and a ventilator. I continued to want to breathe myself. The staff glued on a condom catheter with the hope that the Lasix would begin to lower the fluid levels in my lungs. An x-ray had show substantial fluid in both lungs.

Jenny had arrived at the ER and was sitting beside my bed holding my hand.

My troponin heart protein was normal, so the doctor overseeing my care did not suspect heart attack. I had recently had a non-semi heart attack on November 18, 2023, that led to a catheterization that showed no blockages. Also, white blood count was normal so there was a lower suspicion of pneumonia. At some point, I gave the doctor a thumbs up indicating that my breathing was improving and there was no need for intubation. I felt that as long as I was conscious and could handle one breath at a time, then I did not need a ventilator. My blood oxygen levels were still abnormal, as were my blood gas levels. I was urinating, and that, along with the need for continued Lasix and oxygen support, I would be admitted to an ICU if they could find a room for me. This is during a pretty brutal flu season and Emory Decatur had no ICU rooms available. The doctor came by and said that she had found a room at an Emory hospital in Lithonia. Jenny said, “Lithonia? Are there any rooms available at Clifton?”

Jenny advocated for a Clifton Road room because of proximity to most of my doctors. Shortly, the doctor returned and said, “Your prayers for a Clifton Road room have been answered.” At this point it’s around 1:00 AM Sunday on the morning when we were about to “Spring forward.”

So, a call was put into the EMS to request a truck to take me to Clifton Road and a room in the ICU. As we waited, I continued to work for each breath and encouraged Jenny to go home and rest since the ambulance was on its way to transport me.

I arrived at my room in the ICU when it had just become 3:00 AM with the time change from 2:00 to 3:00. Testing and observation continued. They did a series of tests for flu, Covid, pneumonia and RSV. They expected to be able to eliminate those, but instead I was positive for COVID 19. Consequently, that meant that I had to be moved to a new ICU floor and my treatment would now become two-fold. I would now be on the hospital regime of drugs for COVID and continue on oxygen and Lasix for the respiratory failure. It didn’t take long to find me a new room in an ICU on the other side of the hospital.

I want to pause at this point to reflect on those anxious moments when Jenny had eyes of faith praying on my behalf when others may have given up. I felt like the paralytic whose friends carried him to Jesus or Lazarus whose sisters begged Jesus to come and heal their dying brother. There are many stories of people interceding with Jesus on behalf of others. There was a holy conversation taking place in the midst of chaos. And the Holy Spirit heard the prayer of his dear one asking for help. Over the past few weeks, I have come back to that few moments on several occasions and thanked God for hearing and holding us.

January 9, 2013

Suddenly.
My heart is broke, not working.
Under attack, from within;
Relentless pain and confusion reign
As slowly clarity emerges.

What happened to me?
Did I do this?
Denial.
My God, my God, why?
But. Wait. Spirit is present,
As slowly calm emerges.

Life is present.
Wholeness preserved.
Friends are present speaking prayers,
Speaking love
As slowly comfort emerges.

Plans have changed.
Life is reborn and saved.
Anxiety, fear, future and hope–
Crazy.
As slowly a new day emerges.

©Jimmy Locklear, 2013.

Even our dream jobs have deadlines, performance expectations and customers or constituents to please. The emotional and psychological stress can be debilitating and lead to obesity, hypertension and other illnesses. And we depend upon jobs for income that help us fulfill our dreams and goals in life. Losing our job can be devastating.

Then, so often it is circumstances and opportunity that lead us into certain work – more so than our deep resonance or calling or desire. It is quite possible that I could’ve pursued a life of writing much earlier in my career. Writing from my inner reflections and expressing the work of the Spirit in my heart was always just below the surface. It was difficult to speak, but writing could’ve given me an outlet earlier like it has done more recently.

Circumstance and opportunity equal convenience for many of us. And we follow the path of least resistance rather than the path of truth and freedom. But the path to a specific destination is not always a straight line and we have valuable lessons to learn on the journey, too.

The local church that we’ve been a part of for over 30 years, has recently started small themed-prayer-groups called “kindling groups” as a way to provide support and prayer for those inside and outside our community who have specific needs. The first series of groups met around the need of “Caring for Elderly Parents” and now a second series is starting this week around the theme of “Job Stress and Job Loss” which practically covers most everybody!

I’m going to be assisting this work-related group. We’ll be meeting on Thursdays for the next four weeks at 7:00 PM at Intown Community Church, 2059 Lavista Road, Atlanta, GA, 30326 if you’d like to join us. Our primary activity will be hearing from each other and praying for the needs expressed from our own lives as well as the lives of others.

So, what are some of the spiritual things we can do when we are in distress or difficulty?

1. Pray for others. Through this the Lord may give you clarity regarding your own situation.
2. Ask others to pray for you. Admit your need and ask for help. Suffering brings about community if we will allow it to. This also takes the burden off of yourself and shares it with those who care about you.
3. Focus on compassion. As you are suffering might God be using you to complete the suffering of Jesus for the Church, thus fulfilling Colossians 1:24 – Now I rejoice in what I am suffering for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church.

The life we receive is the life we give. There is a 1 to 1 relationship between our receiving and our giving. We love because God first loved us.

Water is life. Jesus promises us that if we drink the living water he gives us, we will never be thirsty. This is profound because it seems that we are always thirsty. We are thirsty for relationships, for affirmation, for unity, for forgiveness, for self-esteem and for cheering our sadness.

Have I been receiving this living water? Am I missing something?

1. Admitting our thirstiness. Jesus was tired and thirsty from the work of the day. Differently, the woman was tired of her broken relationships and thirsty to be known and loved. Receiving the living water begins with a recognition that I am thirsty and I need help.

2. Ask Jesus for the water. It seems simple, but we ask all kinds of folks and experiences for water, but it is only temporarily satisfying. Jesus said that the water he gives is living. It is not stagnant or deadly, but it brings life.

3. Drink the water that Jesus gives us. Like finding an eternal spring, finding Jesus is an ultimate solution for our thirst for meaning, relevance and affirmation. Daily, we need to drink the living water. We can’t survive long without water.

a. Communion with God
i. Pray/converse
ii. Listen
iii. Read scripture
iv. Listen

b. Communion with people
i. Fellowship – do something
ii. Worship
iii. Act on your compassion; serve

c. Share the living water with others
i. Point others to Jesus
ii. Offer them a drink
iii. Humble yourself
iv. Hangout with the outcast like Jesus often did

Like Jesus did, you only examine a person’s past when you are showing how they can be released from it.

I think more than any other sport or athletic activity, playing golf presents some of the greatest challenges. It’s generally not a team sport and it requires superior concentration by you, but with relaxed muscles. It’s almost impossible. And few can do it perfectly (par). Sometimes I feel that way about following Jesus and living in the Four Realities of my Wellspring Group experience. I’m working through the personal reflections and Bible readings for today and just read this list as I launched into the week.

“To experience that Fellowship that desires to protect us we must:

face how we have fallen short of the glory of God;

face our deepest fears;

mourn the effects of our fall and out choices to live in our fears;

repent of our choices not to surrender to the love and will of the Trinity;

surrender to the divine love of the Trinity;

vitally connect to the body of Christ;

be grounded in the scripture;

be surrounded by the eternal communion of saints.

 

It’s like my swing thoughts when I’m swinging a golf club:

Balance

Focus

Low and slow

Turn, don’t sway

Clear the hips

Knee flex

Drive through with the big muscles

Don’t jump at it

Left heel down for control

Don’t make the ball the target – drive through –> complete the circle!!

Wow. That’s overwhelming!

In John 13:1-17 we are told an amazing story. And given some guidance from our brother and friend Jesus. Like the consummate teaching pro, Jesus shows by example what he has been teaching his devotees and, thus, sets the tone for their final days together. He takes off his robe, wraps a towel around his waist, picks up a wash cloth and a basin of water and kneels down to wash their feet. “I’ve taught you all about love and told your stories and parables to illustrate love, now let me show you how it’s done,” Jesus said.

Like the teaching professional he is methodical, but simple. Here’s your swing thought: love. As always, there is the eager student who asks, “What if I swing harder? Won’t that be even better?”

Jesus explains that we must keep it simple. Only one thought. He even says that you probably won’t even understand what I’m doing until later. “I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.” It’s that simple.

It would follow that we could “break down” what Jesus did. You’ve probably read commentaries or heard sermons that did that, “…the water represents atonement and salvation…and the washcloth is the Holy Spirit, etc.”

Obviously, we have a tendency to over analyze things. Jesus helps us keep the focus on one thing: love. He said, “Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet…. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.”

There are days that we need to hear all of the angles on how to do something. God made our complex brains and we can take in a lot of information. That’s why there are numerous books and magazines on golf. And on living the Christian life. But many golfers will trace their success back to one teacher and even one lesson when all of the teaching came together and suddenly they could relax and swing freely.

And encountering Jesus is like that, too. I saw his example and suddenly all of the teaching made sense. I didn’t understand when he first told me or showed me, but there was a point when I was playing back the video of his washing the disciples’ feet when I saw him washing my feet. And he looked up at me as I wept and he said, “You will be blessed as you do this for others.” It all made sense.

Swing away, my friend, swing away.

A few days before Palm Sunday: The Easy Way Out

Apparently, Jesus teaches us that we are foolish when we look for the shortcut or the easy way out. One of the places we see that is in the ride into Jerusalem that kicked off what we now call Holy Week. Upon closer examination, perhaps we should call it “Humiliation Week.” Regardless of what exegetical tricks we try to use, when Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, he looked like a clown at the end of a circus parade. He could’ve summoned a bold stallion, but there was a donkey reserved for him. Why?

He was patient. In the Greek it really meant that he was “longsuffering.” He wasn’t looking for the easy way out. There was a plan in place that called for his humiliation for the benefit of all of humanity. I often look for a shortcut. What am I missing by doing that? Jesus must’ve known that every minute of every day had meaning and was designed with a purpose.

What did he teach us as he rode that donkey? That we can’t cover up a bad situation to make it look better than what it is. That it was more in keeping with they life he had lived. On earth, he was poor. So, a borrowed donkey was more true to his identity at the time. I don’t want to go over the top in my observations, but I think it is quite fair to admit that the Jesus narrative was simple, but hard. For many years, this view of life affected my view of prayer.

I used to struggle with what to pray when a friend or relative was in a difficult situation or was ill. I was so aware of how often Jesus said, “No,” to those prayers that I felt it was unproductive. Why pray if it doesn’t make any difference. God’s mind is already made up, I thought. Look at Jesus. God didn’t relieve his suffering. I was increasingly aware of God’s sovereignty and how he often used difficulty to make us more like Jesus or our truest selves, and I didn’t want to get in the way of the Holy Spirit.

Then, I read the story of the synagogue leader (Matthew 9:18-19, 23-26) asking for help for his daughter who died. He asked Jesus to come and touch her and the leader believed that Jesus could raise her from the dead. That conversational request taught me that praying was asking Jesus to do something that we wanted for ourselves or someone else. We didn’t have to try to figure out the best way to pray in alignment with a theological framework, just express our feelings. The Trinity could figure out the best thing to do, but I shouldn’t be surprised either way.

And that brings us back to the suffering and pain of life. As we encounter pain, it is a revelation of The Pain that Jesus carried to the cross. As he rode that donkey, he was already thinking about what was coming. But instead of being pre-occupied with the future, he was fully present with the crowds and the twelve over the next few days realizing that he needed to prepare them for his death and departure. As we mature in our appreciation of the power of pain and suffering in our lives and in our identifying with the Savior Jesus, how do we express that in relationship with our family and close friends? What is the balance between living and dying? One answer to these questions is to find a person in the Bible with whom you identify. There are lots of different personalities and life situations portrayed and surely you can find a kindred spirit or two. How did they connect with God or with Jesus while he was on earth? You might follow their lead.